Compromise is not a dirty word!
Watching the pundits contemplate the details that have tentatively allowed the United States to avert a debt ceiling crisis; it has been intriguing to notice how much emphasis is placed on the opinions of the far left of the Democratic party and the far right of the Republican party.
Governing requires that you find a compromise - in most situations, each party loses a little of what they want, but they also walk away with a little bit of what they want. Ironically, the notion of not comprising is also found in some church contexts. The leadership becomes so concerned with the loudest and most extreme views within the pews that the focus shifts to keeping them quiet and calm without developing a plan to compromise so that everyone feels represented. Almost every congregation can identify the one person or few people who do everything they can to stop progress. You have to give them credit; regardless of the size of those against them, they find a way to maintain their position and often get a larger share of what they want despite being in the minority opinion.
Leading a group to compromise can be tricky, even for some of the best leaders, mainly because of the desire to keep everyone calm and pacified. As previously mentioned, the danger in that line of thinking is that the loudest are most often the minority, but they get an unfair share of their demands met because they are the loudest.
How do you lead a group to compromise? Here are five tips, but feel free to add your own in the comments.
Listen. As the leader, you need to listen to what is being said and what isn’t being said. Don’t be afraid to ask questions to understand each side's point of view better. Sometimes people are against an idea because they are not well informed, have experience with the situation in the past, or feel as though their feedback has not been received. Just because someone shares their opinion does not mean you have to act on it, but it can be helpful to understand why the idea/project may be receiving pushback.
Hear. Encourage each party to hear what the other party is saying. It can be tempting to lay down the hammer and make a final decision, but encouraging each side to hear the other can create a robust team of allies when you are in the execution stage of your project because they will each see something they wanted in the final project.
Let go. Let each side know they will not get everything they want from the deal and that it is ok to let go. Have each side list what is most important to them and rank the items in order of importance. Let each side share their items beginning with #1 and discuss the pros and cons. Ask questions to ensure the parties think beyond their self-interest and consider how their perspective will affect others.
Focus. In ministry, we have to keep the main thing the main thing. Ensure that the attitudes and positions align with the church's mission and vision. Again, ask questions such as how this position aligns with the mission or how this would affect [an existing program/project]. Resist the temptation to fill silent contemplation with words. It is often necessary for people to sit with a question so that they can think more deeply about a response.
Respect. During the negotiations, each side must show respect to the others in the process, whether they agree with their positions or not. Mutual respect is the foundation of any productive negotiation.
Many people did not learn conflict resolution skills, and their strategy for getting what they want in situations can seem passive-aggressive. Rather than being upfront about what they want, they may make snide comments, deflect to issues that are not important, or resort to character assassinations. Leading your group through discussions to compromise on situations that arise can prevent you from having an all-or-nothing leadership style which can create further isolation among the silent majority. It will show your ability to listen and lead, not just to those who are on the outside screaming the loudest but with the ability to consider everyone’s voice while allowing them to meet each other somewhere near the middle.
The loud majority may stay and keep up a lot of noise, while the silent majority slowly creeps out of the back door because they are tired of not being heard. How long will it be before you are only left with the noise makers?
